Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
