I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
