1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
its liver damage thursday
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
