I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
