stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
