Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
