Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
