Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
