he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
