I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
sex in a hospital.. check
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
