i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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