you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
