It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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