thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
