I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
