the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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