How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
