I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
