Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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