ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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