she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
