I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
