so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
