this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
