well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
