The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
