If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
