You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
