I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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