See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
