you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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