Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
