So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
