I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
