Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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