I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
