You just made me feel so damn special
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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