it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
