I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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