New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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