i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
