nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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