Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
