1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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