she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
