I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
