I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
