Taylor Swift is so right about you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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