Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Shame - the story of my life.
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