I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
