I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
