Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
