my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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